I am a recovering people pleaser. And, while I have worked hard to set healthy boundaries, I am still - at my core- someone who deeply loves to see other people happy.
Most of the time, this is a great quality for a healing professional. Sometimes, it is not.
I’ve treated well over a thousand clients and would say 99.9% of the feedback has been amazing (see my google reviews for confirmation). But, I constantly have to beat back my perfectionist, people pleasing tendencies and remind myself to have reasonable goals. I will not be able to 100% cure every person that walks into my treatment room during their first appointment. I hate admitting that. I may not be able to exceed every person’s expectation of me. I hate that too. Some people may not jive with my treatment style. Gasp.
This happened for the first time recently and it has been a huge learning opportunity and reminder that: not everyone is going to like me. And, that is okay. My job is to keep being the most authentic version of me possible. Their job is to find a practitioner who fits the style they desire.
A man reached out to me via facebook and wanted to book an appointment. It basically went downhill from there: he didn’t like that my intake forms were so long even though I’d warned him about the many disclosures required by Texas. All seemed fine during our appointment and I checked in numerous times, as I always do with new clients, and he left saying that he felt better outside of one small remaining area of pain. Great outcome for one session. I typically send a check-in email the next day for first time clients and was surprised when he responded with a slew of complaints: we talked too much in the beginning (note: this includes taking vitals, gathering TCM diagnostic information, and learning more about his specific needs/conditions), he felt one of the therapies gave him more pain (despite reporting relief numerous times during the session), he felt annoyed that I was cleaning up the materials while having him relax during the end of the session wrap up where I have clients silently thank their body and give gratitude for all the parts that are functioning well (I have a single room and back to back clients so this is a logistical necessity).
I’m not gonna lie: the message stung. I put my heart and soul into my clients and genuinely want them to thrive in life. I’m invested in their outcome and will be staunchly in their healing corner as long as they’ll allow it.
But, this man gave me a huge gift. I stepped back from my initial people-pleasing-failure mentality and assessed whether or not I could have improved in any of the arenas he mentioned. When I realized there was nothing I would have or could have done differently given the information in front of me, I felt at peace. I did my best. I showed up as my best self. And, it wasn’t what he wanted. And, guess what? That is okay.
I thanked him for his message, wished him the best on his healing journey and felt grateful for surviving my first ‘rejection.’ I was telling my daughter about it because I like to model my ‘failures’ in addition to my successes to her and her response was beautiful, “well mama, he won’t be the last.” I laughed. I know she’s right. Lucky for all of us, there are tons of other wonderful practitioners and there are tons of other wonderful clients waiting for my “overly” comprehensive intake forms, my “overly” thorough intake conversations, and my “overly” multitasking to create the most efficient clinic flow possible.
Thank you to this man for reminding me that being a people pleaser absolutely sucks. And, for showing me that I have come a looooong way in my fight for embracing my authentic self and my authentic self as a wellness practitioner.
xo,
Jenna