I’ve been super curious about the whole colonic thing for several years now, but just couldn’t bring myself to try it. BUT, as always, when my clients began asking me about my thoughts on this type of treatment, I decided to take one for the team and bring back my knowledge for you.
One of my most down pals and I booked a weekend at the Deer Lake Lodge in Montgomery, TX and I was immediately terrified of the ‘intermittent fasting’ portion of the weekend. I begin plotting my contraband snack and coffee options like the total food and coffee addict that I am. I then quickly re-framed my ‘cheating’ behavior as ‘honoring my body’ and felt better as I packed an extra pear, some cashews, two instant coffee packets, an almond butter packet and one protein bar.
I could talk forever about the experience, but we all have limited time to read blogs, so I’m gonna get right into the colonic experience and my takeaways/suggestions:
Keep a healthy colon!!
The experience went as follows:
We had no info on how to prep, so we just walked over to the colonic room and hoped for the best. The woman who greeted us was friendly, but no nonsense and got straight down to business. Each room had a bed (the kind doctors you lay on) with a little carve out for the water/colon contents (aka sh!t) to drain and a tube that was smeared with lube and meant to be self inserted into your anus. There was a small sheet to go over your legs for some modesty feels, a heating pad for your tummy which can cramp during the process, and a vibrating tool that you could hold over your intestines and/or opt for self massage of your abdomen to help release built up gunk.
You can leave your shirt on, but we were warned that some people have ‘blow outs’ that can lead to debris (aka sh!t) going up your back. Thankfully neither of us experienced this, but it is something to consider when dressing for the occasion. I also brought a book to read but was way too mesmerized by the mirror reflection of what was coming out of my body to even read a word of it. (YEP - this place let you watch what was happening!). The water is kept between 96-103 degrees and I was assured there was an auto shut off if the water went too high so no colon burns could occur. Phew.
The whole process took about 45 minutes:
30 minutes of water going in and out of my colon
The rest was getting situated and re-situated.
It was super weird to be forced to essentially poop while laying down when your brain is screaming: I am laying on a bed near people and definitely should not be pooping, but then the water fills up everything and you can’t hold a damn thing in. But, that’s the point. The cramping kind of feels like period-y/diarrhea cramps. The poop felt a bit like pooping on the delivery table if you are like me and got to have that amazing experience (eye roll).
I learned that while I have no digestive issues, I definitely have some poop shame. Like, I did NOT want that practitioner lady anywhere near me. I was worried things may smell (they didn’t). I was worried she could hear things releasing and avoid pushing at all kind of like when you’re pooping in a multi-stall bathroom or at your boyfriend’s house for the first time. I was worried that I was somehow doing it wrong and that my ‘colon debris’ would be forever stuck in the tube and I would be laughed at and remembered forever, LOL. Why the eff did I care about these things? This lady has seen some SH!T and I wish I’d cared less.
Later, I heard some horror stories of people who’d completely plugged the tube and someone who had a whole ass tape worm come out. OMG.
Here are my random bits of advice for whatever they are worth:
ASK if your practitioner will be in the room with you the whole time or wait outside. I didn’t realize this was a thing and am super glad that my practitioner waited outside. It was awkward enough to clean my colon out in front of myself much less anyone else.
Have access to a private toilet afterwards. You’re gonna keep releasing stuff for about 30-60 minutes afterwards, so don’t make date plans straight away.
Have socks in case your feet get cold.
Make sure there is lots of lube on the tube thing and go slowly. Wait for your body to accept the tube and then it kind of upsucks it. Same on the pull out - be gentle to avoid any potential anal trauma.
Consider getting a second one the next day for what we dubbed the “refinement colonic” for extra extra clean.
I’m now super interested in coffee enemas and other genres of this, so stay tuned for more. My plan is to get at least one colonic a year. Probably in December, so I don’t enter the new year with any extra sh!t baggage. Haha. Enjoy.
xo,
Jenna